Start working again:( Time flies!!!  I wanna go back to study in university now. Having a job is such a stressful thing, no matter it's easy or hard. I dont like to work now but i like to study:) So different from before. What's wrong with me?

       6月1日星期日，突然心血来潮开始了新的一轮减肥大战。忘了是受了什么刺激，突然开始浏览减肥网站，开始做运动，开始寻找健康食品。已经坚持了4天了，每晚只吃蔬菜沙拉，周日：黄瓜+西红柿；周一：生菜+西红柿+cheese；周二：生菜+西红柿+cheese+鸡肉; 周三：同周二。 今天晚上应该还是一样的。每天都有生菜，因为现在减价：）但是到现在饥饿感已经持续好几天了，可还是一斤都没少啊。真是不公平啊，为什么长肉总是蹭蹭的呢？呵呵，马上又要做操了，所以上来发几句牢骚。值得欣慰的是我对晚上的蔬菜沙拉还是挺满意的，大口大口嚼着菜叶，听着咔嚓咔嚓的声音，梦想着自己减肥成功后迷人的样子哈哈哈，一定要坚持下去啊。倒计时，还有不到一个月的时间了，可能沙拉不能光晚上吃了

       最近想家的情绪有点严重，想念一切和回家有关的东西。掐指算来，也只有两个多月的时间了，但是每一天都那么长，那么慢，不断加剧着我的想念。也许是因为看了太多地震的报道，心里觉得很沉，很难过，却又无处释放。这几天，突然觉得中国变小了，小到可以放在每个人的心里了。每个人每天关注的都是同一件事，同一个地方，同一个消息，牵挂着同一群人。可能这就是祖国吧，在她受难的时候我们都会加倍想她。

       前两天，失散多年的小学同学突然在校内网上浮出水面，紧接着又推荐了那本匆匆那年给我看，小时候的一切又都浮现在眼前，那么逼真，那么亲切。这应该就是作者捕获人心的法宝吧，让我们没办法不依赖它去找回以为已经丢失了的感觉。书上有段话：“16岁的喜欢就是这么平淡而简单，电影胶片中或欢喜圆满或凄美动人的爱情故事在他们眼里都当不了真，他们总认为自己会经历与众不同的恋爱，以为这样无所事事的日子会一直继续下去。然而，一直到长大以后他们才发现，原来还是在岁月里落入俗套，那时每天都陪伴在身边的人也终究各奔东西。”看到这，我突然想到，我16岁的时候也是一样，喜欢看美丽的爱情故事，也从不羡慕，因为真的总认为自己会经历与众不同的恋爱，与众不同的人生。现在长大了，无所事事的日子突然不见了，但幸运的事，身边的朋友还在，对与众不同的期盼也还在。这就够让我满足的了。。。

     由于一个意想不到的失误，我终于有机会买个新手机了。 来英国之前就听说了这的手机不要钱，但是由于刚来没钱也没时间，不要钱也是不小的开销， 签手机的愿望就落空了。这次回来，由于把电池和充电器都落家了，而且之前的电话卡被打爆还欠了费，买手机的欲望嗖的膨胀起来，整个周末就是在选择中度过的。最后终于选中了sony 的一款已经过时很久的音乐手机。原因是很便宜，而且既有mp3 又有radio, 还能照像，满足了我的贪念。。。其实可能一样都不用。满足这种要求的手机太多了，只是这样价格的比较少，所以周一周二的时间也是在思考中度过的。但是，事情终究还是不能圆满， 价格最便宜的那一家只有黑色，没有我日思夜想的白色。当然，我最终还是决定买下它，价格因素起了决定作用，当然，也在不断的安慰自己黑色的也很可爱。只是不明白为什么每次我倾心白色的时候，总是有黑色来捣乱而且我还就选了它！我从来就没喜欢过黑色，可是它就一直跟着我。从小就喜欢穿白色的裤子，但是由于黑色显瘦，就一直以黑色为主，的确，穿白色裤子连我自己都能被吓一跳，现实就是这么残忍。几年前，三星刚出的一款运动mp3就有黑白两色，我毫不犹豫的选了白色，结果发现白色是128的，黑色是256的，而且当时到处都没有卖白色的，而且拿着自己打工刚挣到的钱，当然要买256的了。还有就是我爸的一句“黑色多酷啊！”让我下定了决心买黑的。 这次又是同样的选择，我想怎么也得用一回白的呀，虽然已经是很老土的手机，但也让我过把瘾吧，了却我多年的心愿。但很显然，我只能等下次了。其实白色并不是没有，只是价格贵了10镑，而且是被一个电话公司锁定的，不可以换sim card. 如果想换的话要到伦敦花10镑解锁。我也死心了，命中注定无缘白色。可能黑色真的挺酷的。

啊啊啊的确是长草了，太久没有来过了呵呵！ 竟然还有人给我留言真是惊喜啊。所以准备除草了！马上就要回家喽！但是心情很糟因为要把论文交了才能走，所以离我的DEADLINE只剩2周了。。。。。。。我不想活了555555，但是被论文逼死也实在是太冤了！进入八月以来就一直期待着奇迹发生，比如发大水，这样论文就可以延期啦哈哈！八月是很郁闷的一个月，每天都忍受着心灵的煎熬，不断的鼓励自己，不断的泄气，又不断的充气。chocolate的剂量在不断加大，想尽一切办法让自己高兴，但每次都维持不了太长时间，通常在写完一百字之后郁闷就会加剧。总之，现在的处境有些艰难，可能对之后的生活太过期待，以至于对现在厌恶无比。唉，快点结束吧！！！

磨蹭磨蹭磨蹭磨蹭。。。又要改变计划了因为这两天的进展很慢，只翻了600多个字。后悔给自己找了这么费神的一篇，现在开始幻想有没有什么投机取巧的办法，比如需要highlight 的地方就认真的翻，其他的地方糊弄一下就好，其实也不是不可以，毕竟老师重点只会看highlight 的500字。但是对我不太聪明的脑袋来说，动那种脑筋还不如慢慢往下翻，翻死算了，翻完还要写commentary! 难怪我每次写作业都难么痛苦，就是把它看得太重了，没有一颗平常心。从现在开始，每周都要交作业，末日终于来临了！

I'm dying  :(  i can't finish:(

literature review, CV, assignment, subtitling, project, presentation, assignments......难道这就是人生？anyway, 是这几个礼拜的全部。。。子又生孙孙又生子子子孙孙无穷尽也。未来数月我都将不得安宁。心情异常烦躁，忐忑不安，这到底是怎么回事呢？再也不想被该死的literature review 折磨了！！！！！I hate literature review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

今天又作了一次同样的梦，已经是第二次梦到我的婚礼了,只不过这次是和帅哥结婚，哈哈哈哈。

一分之差啊，只差一分阿，我冤不冤啊，我以为运气不会这么差了关键时刻，可是还是发生了。我容易么，这算什么呀，其实再多0.5也行啊，就进上去了，可是怎么就这么寸！这下到好，成了pass, 真让我。。。唉不知道说什么解恨！ 我知道不应该这么想不开，在国内的时候也不是很在一分数，但是在这我特别看重，可能没有什么其他可以关注的东西，只是想多几个良好总比一水的pass好看，可能太想炫耀自己的成绩给爸妈看好对得起他们为我花的血汗钱。我想看当我告诉我妈我并不比英国人学的差，我也能拿比及格更好的分时她充满骄傲的表情，还有我爸装酷但其实心里早就乐开花时的样子。其实他们很容易为我取得的一点小成绩所满足，可能是因为我从小到大也没什么作为。但是现在就这么点小成绩都没有了，很失落啊。。。 

其实，估计同学中也没什么人在乎。毕竟一把年纪了，有的一定连更年期都过完了，很多东西都应该看得很开。不像我，年轻貌美，青春洋溢，花样年华。。。（以上说明，纯属虚构，如有雷同，没准是真的），感觉好一点了，自我鼓励之后。还有好多事要做，不能再想啦。 明天去看房子，可能很快要搬家了。搬到遥远的地方去，搬到便宜的地方去，搬到更大的地方去！啦。。。啦啦啦。。啦啦！

今天在market买菜的时候被一位菜场大叔拉去帮忙说中文，因为一个中国小朋友走丢了，坐在他的菜箱子上哭，很多人围着他问但他就是不说话，所以他们以为他不懂英文，于是把我拉去帮忙，actually, 我刚在他那买了土豆，以为他追上我是要多送我一个土豆呢，因为之前他嫌我买得太少呵呵。奇怪的是当我用中文跟小男孩说话时，他竟然用英文回答我是跟妈妈来的。finally 大家发现了急得团团转的妈妈，母子团聚了。我很高兴他对我说话，同去的室友说因为我有亲切的中国人的脸。很高兴如果是因为这个原因：）

看了一圈space, 开始无比惊讶世界之小，从起点开始看到另一个人的，由于好奇又看到另一个人的就这样一个一个地看下去，从不同的评论尽到不同的space,最后发现来到了自己认识的人的地盘。超级感叹啊，感叹了半天啊！世界这么小！然后躁动的心安静下来，发现原来起点的那个人并不是陌生人。。。

今天病应该好了吧！又开始熬夜了。想想还有那么多事情要做，不好也不行啊，残酷的资本主义学校。。。 每次生病后都要有一段懒惰期，所以现在就是不想学习，不想工作， 不想挣钱。哈哈就想花钱，蔬菜水果一样都不能少，而且要贵的。这显然不符合我一贯的作风，所以昨天托楼上的德国姐妹帮我带一颗生菜（这里的生菜有好几种，最贵的就是中国意义上的生菜胖胖的圆圆的99p一个，其他的长相差不多但不够胖，最便宜的49p)结果她义无反顾的选择了最便宜的瘦型生菜。。。不爱吃：（ 没办法，还要眉飞色舞的夸她多么善解人意。 presentation 的日子越来越近，总是计划能在deadline 之前很久就准备好，可是现在看来又要in hurry 了。 始终没有头绪，总觉得没有领会老师的意思，难道是因为这老家伙长得太过神秘么？不知道，担心＆担心。不过他很赞同我采访做翻译的同学的想法，希望这是个好的开始。

虾皮炒饭！

 

想到明天早上一定起不来， 干脆现在不睡了，赶论文！！！不知道怎么搞的，突然想到虾皮炒饭了，这让我如何继续阿，看来我真不是学习得料阿，好不容易language function 浮现在脑海，偏偏虾皮来捣乱，怎么可以这样啊！ 我想吃虾皮炒饭啊！！！！啊！！啊啊啊啊！！！

呜。。。。。。。。。。

I suddenly found that way from library was so similar to the way home in beijing.  A wall, a sideway and a road. That's why i always wanna cry when i pass. Yesterday i read his letter to my parents, "I know that you haven't really seen her for a long time, and I imagine you may miss her." It's 5 month already. I know how they miss me because i feel the same. But i never told . I try to be cold and forget. That's the best way to continue.

 

     现在一个字也写不出来，empty! 随便浏览着space, 忽然听到了钢琴声，久违的音乐让我安静下来。好久没有静静的享受过音乐了，甚至没有唱过一句歌。可能是不快乐吧，想家，想朋友，想他。或者我已经忘了生活，忘了我想做的事。只求可以平安的交上作业，吃一顿自己做的饭。饿着肚子写essay...感觉不是很好啊。从法国回来到现在，经历了残酷的20天，虽然只有20天，感觉却像过了一年。 重复曾经在大学里的习惯在这里是很危险的，现在我就在垂死挣扎。今天把冰箱里的最后一点垃圾烤烤吃了，室友说要给brain 一些power, 所以就吃吧。已经忘了品尝美味，只要填饱肚子就好。不知道为什么突然写下这些，还有几千字在等待挖掘。我知道它们一定在记忆中的某个角落，我一定会把他们挖出来。只是需要先暂停一下，一下就好。 明天，开始最后一篇。。。

在家的时候，曾经设想过种种一个人时的情景。那是多么美好的憧憬：）总是羡慕安妮在北京一个人的生活，每当她谈起孤单的感觉时，我都希望自己能快点感受到。因为，在我眼里，那种感觉太美妙了。现在想想，不过是经过了一番去粗取精，去真存伪的加工：）

 

I really love the feeling that when i turn back, i can saw ur window.   Although the window is closed, the light is turned off, I still can feel you are so close to me. When can i keep such a feeling forever? When can i feel  u are here so easily?

     昨天终于有机会出去吃喝玩乐了。整整一周我都在讲课与备课中度过。。。虽然这是我热爱的事业：）， 但整天对着一个12岁的小姑娘，着实让我向往与同龄人们朝夕相处的日子。

     一顿饭吃了3个小时，好几锅汤都被熬干了，还是不忍离去。可想而知彼此有多思念对方，当然，对大苑来说，难以割舍的还有剩下的几片豆皮。

    带着一丝美好的回忆，我们又走进了曾经叱刹风云的宝龙。无数次经过同一个摊位之后，我们知道到了该选择的时候了。我终于掏出了10块钱买了一个宝龙里最可爱的日记本！无论是封面的样式，纸张的厚度，还是插图的设计，都经过了严格的筛选。 That's why 我说它最可爱

    但当日记本拿回家后，我的心却再也无法平静了。直到现在我还在思考到底要不要用它......因为旧的还没用完 难道我是个喜新厌旧的人么？可是我仍然爱着以前的那本啊，尽管我不敢重读里面的内容。可是如果我不是喜新厌旧的人，我为什么那么强烈的想在新本本上写东西呢？这是为什么呢？我也不知道，可能我就是喜新厌旧的，可能我并不想喜新厌旧， 可能我越不想喜新厌旧就越喜新厌旧。或者大家都是喜新厌旧的？这样也好，不会让我感到很自卑！

    在停笔的一刹那，突然想到了好多例子证明我喜欢旧的东西更多一点。比如看过的电视剧，学过的课本，小时候的衣服，甚至是姥姥家院子里的土地，在被改成水泥地大快人心的时候我感觉好难过！

     

  

This afternoon when I was doing a reading comprehension, I met a passage about insects.:( and besides the article there was a pic of the insect:( Then I couldn't concentrate on answering the questions but began to imagine how disgusted insect it is. Let's share it now:

 

 

Evolution of Insect Flight

Pterosaurs, birds and bats took to the air from evolutionary runways that scientists believe they understand fairly well, but insects began flying so much longer ago that details of their stepwise conquest of flight remain obscure. Scientists at Pennsylvania State University hypothesize, however, that a present-day flightless insect called the stonefly may be closely related to ancestral insects that first learned to fly more than 330 million years ago.

 

Last February, Dr.James H.Marden, a biologist at Pennsylvania State University, and Melissa G.Kramer, his student, began studying the behavior and biology of stoneflies—the immature nymphs of which are familiar to many fishermen as delicacies for trout. The nymphs begin life in river or pond water and then develop primitive wings enabling them to skim across water at high speed without actually taking to the air. Marden and Ms.Kramer have concluded that the humble ancestor of such ecpert fliers as mosquitoes and wasps may have been very much like the stonefly.

 

The stoneflies living in Canada and the northern US, which belong to a primitive species called Taeniopteryx burksi, breed and mature in cold water and come to the surface for their skimming trip to shore in February and March. To study them, a scientist must work quickly, since the life span of stonefly is only about two weeks. The adult stonefly has waterproof hair on its feet, and after reaching the surface of the water, it supports itself by coasting on the water’s surface meniscus layer. To hasten its trip to the shore, the insect spreads its four feeble wings and flaps vigorously, using aerodynamic thrust to scoot across the water at speeds up to 2 feet per second. This, Marden said, appears to be the only time in its life the stonefly normally uses its wings.

 

In a series of experiments Marden described in a report published in the current issue of the journal Science, he found that although stoneflies in the wild, where ambient temperatures were recorded as ranging between 32 degrees and 53.6 degrees Fahrenheit, are completely flightless, their flying ability improves when they are warmed up in a laboratory. Even when warm, the insects never voluntarily take flight from a horizontal surface, but if they crawl to the edge of a table and drop over the side they will fly for a few yards before settling to the ground. Several specimens tested by the Penn State scientists actually gained a little altitude under their own power after being launched by hand, but none remained in the air for more than a few seconds.

 

Stoneflies are interesting, Marden said in an interview, because so little is known of the specific changes insects underwent in the remote past as they gained the ability to fly. The stonefly’s faltering efforts to use its wings may approximate a transitional stage of evolution that occurred some 350 million years ago, when swimming insects first became fliers.

 

The study of insect evolution is hampered by a gigantic gap in the fossil record. Although fossils of early nonflying insects have been found in sediments dating from the Devonian period nerly 400 million years ago, no insect fossils have turned up from the following 75-million-year period. Marden said that fossil insects reappear in strata 325 million years old, but by then they had evolved greatly, and their increased diversity suggests that at least some species had left the water to colonize land. Many of the fossils of that period look like present-day insects, including grasshoppers.

 

Stoneflies lack some features that are important for true fliers. They have relatively weak wing muscles, and their thoracic cuticle plates are not fused together to create a rigid external skeleton. Rigidity is needed to provide strong, inflexible attachment points for an insect’s wing muscles ifit is to be capable of powered flight-a much more demanding activity than skimming or gliding. If the stonefly is similar to the first protofliers, this would argue against a widely held hypothesis that animal flight begins with gliding, from which powered flight eventually develops. Stoneflies never glide, even though they are on the verge of flying.

 

Although the stonefly may have evolved to its present form in a progressive direction from primitive swimming insects, it is possible, Marden believes, that its evolution was digressive-that its ancestors were true fliers that evolved into nonflying skimmers. Skimming requires much less energy than true flight, as demonstrated by a new family of skimming” wing-in-ground-effect” flightless aircraft developed during the last decade in Russia, China and Germany. These aircraft never rise more than a few feet above the ground or water, but their stubby wings support them on an air cushion that eliminates the drag of surface friction.

 

“stoneflies seem to have found an ecological niche in any case,” Marden said. Whether the evolutionary pathway of the stonefly was progressive or digressive makes little difference to the insect, he said, but to an entomologist, the direction is important. “By mapping behavioral characters and morphology of stoneflies, we hope eventually to infer the direction by which evolution carried them to their present stage of development,” Marden said.